Promoting Positive Behaviour

Encourage the behaviour you want to see at nursery by first considering things from the children's perspective, says Jennie Lindon

On stressful days, even very experienced practitioners may start thinking, 'If only the children would just be good. If only they would do something the first time we ask!'

Of course, children do not manage to behave well all the time, any more than adults do. But what steps can early years practitioners take to promote good behaviour in young children?

Practitioners wanting to assess how effective their setting is in promoting good behaviour in children need to ask themselves some key questions about behaviour - including their own.

What is good behaviour?

Practitioners should start by discussing what is 'good' and 'bad' behaviour, as any behaviour, and the motivation for it, is often hard to define, as the following case study illustrates. Two boys started at nursery on the same day. Tom seemed to settle in quickly, while Benjamin remained sad and angry and sometimes bit other children. The nursery team resisted labelling Tom as 'good and co-operative' and Benjamin as 'disruptive' or a 'biter'. Staff members' sympathetic response to Benjamin when he was upset revealed his anxieties from the summer, when his mother had been abroad for several weeks.

To the staff's surprise, the two boys became close friends. Tom was used to the idea of tidying up and encouraged a reluctant Benjamin to work with him. Benjamin never bit Tom and became happier, because being at nursery enabled him to play with his friend. Benjamin's lively personality emerged. The staff then saw that he offered a balance for Tom, who was too concerned about behaving well. They realised that Tom had properly settled when he did not feel he had to be 'good' all the time.

It is important that practitioners are clear about what behaviour they want to encourage from the children in their setting, for it is then far easier to notice when that behaviour happens.

Are your expectations realistic?

Remember that young children are still in the process of learning what is expected of them and what 'good' means in practice.

Under-threes, and especially under- twos, do not understand what adults mean by the concept of 'sharing'. If adults depend on the word alone, then very young children can believe it is a power word. They grab something that someone else has and then shout, 'Share' or 'Gotta share'. Young children can manage some simple turn-taking and wait for a short while, but settings should provide enough play resources and adult attention to avoid very young children having to share resources - and so avert upset.

Three- and four-year-olds have the time perspective to understand an acknowledgement of good behaviour that occurred earlier in the day, but the balance still needs to be towards making positive comments at the time it occurs. Unwanted behaviour is also best addressed when it happens, rather than postponed to a later discussion. When you feel you have more time to talk about what happened, children will have mentally moved on.

Remember too that many three- and four-year-olds attend more than one childcare setting in a week and may be praised in one setting and reprimanded in another for exactly the same behaviour. Show that you understand the problem by saying, for example, 'It's confusing, isn't it, when adults don't all say the same thing.'

Four- and five-year-olds have the understanding to appreciate symbolic rewards, such as stickers. But these strategies should never replace simple, positive words and actions by adults.

These slightly older children also have the intellectual grasp to follow the idea of a 'group jar' for positive behaviour. Some nurseries and reception classes use a glass jar, in which they put, say, a marble each time anyone in the group is particularly helpful or demonstrates other positive behaviour. When the jar is full -and it should not take too long - there is a treat or privilege shared by the whole group.

If practitioners adopt this reward scheme, all team members must understand that they never take an item out of the jar on occasions when the children are tough to handle. Nor do they threaten to do so. The children earned those earlier rewards.

Could your behaviour be better?

We need to be helpful in our own behaviour towards children if we are to help them to learn positive patterns of behaviour. Our actions and our words matter. Don't focus on the negative. When adults feel stressed, it is easy to slip into bad habits of picking up on every negative action from children.

Don't rise to every little niggle, especially from children who know exactly how to press your buttons. Let some things go, or at least try that warning look before going up the gears of intervention!

Acknowledge even brief examples of 'good' behaviour. Stressed adults often wait for 'really good' behaviour before praising children for their actions, and tend to say of some good behaviour, 'Well they should be doing that anyway!' This imbalance is disheartening for children - as it is for adults when they experience such a pattern in their work life. Everyone needs some appreciation.

Communicate to children what 'good' behaviour you want. Children like smiles and the wave or thumbs-up that says, 'I noticed what you did'. Say what has pleased you, rather than a general 'good girl'. You might say, 'Jasmin, well done for waiting.'

Always be specific. Vague messages only leave children wondering what exactly you mean. Say, 'Can we find a way for Olwyn to join your game?' rather than, 'Be nice to Olwyn.'

Be flexible, so making it easier for children to behave well. For instance, if an extremely restless group of children want a story but can't agree which one, let them sing a lively action song, rather than attempt to police a tough storytime when they clearly won't be able to sit still.

Tips to explore practice

Staff, who are having a tough time with some children, need a chance to express their frustrations. As a manager or team leader you can meet this need, but also guide your team away from being negative.
• Organise a discussion under the heading 'Behaviour that we find difficult to handle'. Already your choice of title gives a different message from, say, 'Difficult behaviour' or 'Problems from children'.
• Next, write details (rather than a 'shorthand' label) of behaviour that is hard to manage down the righthand side of a flipchart.
• Now look at each aspect of behaviour in turn and discuss with the team when and where this behaviour tends to arise.
• Then, consider how to respond. What do you want the child to do instead? Children cannot easily change their reactions from just a 'stop doing' message. They need clear-cut, 'start doing' guidance.
• You can also do a 'turning the tables' discussion. Explore honestly what the children might say if they were asked about problem adult behaviour! It might be, 'You don't listen!' or 'You keep making new rules!' or 'You're unfair!'